Navigating Big Decisions

Decisions are always difficult to make, at least they are for me. Ask any of my friends; when it is my turn to choose our takeout for the evening I often freeze for a moment before I fall back on the easiest go-to option, usually sushi. It is the reason I have a small wardrobe and the reason that I work to develop routines. We all have a limited amount of decision-making power to use throughout the day, and limiting my choices, such as my wardrobe, or going with the flow of a routine helps conserve that energy. However, this tactic only works with small, everyday decisions. When faced with a big, potentially life-changing decision, that is when I encounter a real challenge.

No matter who you are, it is never easy to make big, life-altering decisions; there is always an element of uncertainty. There is always something that you will give up and something that you will gain. I try to be like anyone else when it comes to these decisions; I try to be logical about them. I try to make a pro-con list and get all the information so that I make the best most informed decision that won’t lead to later regret. Sensible, right?

Well… maybe. To a certain extent the pro-con list approach can be helpful. Making a fully informed, logical decision is certainly important, but, for big, life decisions, there is an essential element that must be considered. These big decisions have a great deal of emotion attached to them and ignoring that emotional element a recipe for regret. We can make the most logical decision, but it may not actually be the one that feels right. Sometimes, especially when we are trying to be logical we try to factor out that emotional element. However, our emotions greatly affect our lives and they have a large role in our decisions. To ignore our emotions in the face of a big decision is as good as making the decision without all the information. At the end of the day we must make the decision that feels right for us, even if, on some level, it defies logic. If it feels right, we are more motivated in the end to overcomes the challenges that arise from the less logical decision. Of course, there is the tricky part. How do we discern what feels “right”?

Before attempting to make any kind of decision, emotional or otherwise, we must first understand our goals. We must visualize what we actually want, what that looks like, and think about why we want it. In this moment, for example, I am seeking financial independence (e.g. to be free from debt). I want to be free to make decisions for myself without needing to factor in my student loans. Currently, I have to consider my student loan payments the same as I would need to consider in rent and groceries. Once I understand what [one of] my goals is, and why I want it, I can better factor it into the decision making process. Once I have my list of goals, which are independent from the choices, I can begin the pro-con list in order to assess how the different avenues line up with what I want and what sacrifices I would have to make. Regarding my financial independence, my choices each have different time frames for getting to that point. I must decide whether a speedy road to paying off my debt is worth temporarily sacrificing some independence, or whether maintaining my independence is worth a longer road to paying off my debt.

As we progress through our pros and cons, we start to realize that the process becomes messy. We have the first level of wants that are easier to look at through a logical lens. But oftentimes, underneath, there is a second layer based off of fears and hopes. It is just as important to look at this layer, more important perhaps, because this is the one that will ultimately decide whether or not the decision is the right one for us, no matter how illogical some of the factors may seem. Currently, one of the fears playing into my decision making-process (a very loud and heavy fear at that) is a fear of loss. I am acutely aware of some of the sacrifices one of my choices may involved and I fear that I will never get those things back once I lose them; namely the connections that I’ve been building in my current location. Logically, I know that this isn’t entirely the case, but nevertheless, it is a voice affecting my decisions and it demands to be heard.

On the surface, making a decision based on emotions may also seem like a recipe for regret. However, I personally find that utilizing my emotions when I have a big decision to make actually helps me to feel confident about the decision that I made, even years later. No matter how much logic we throw into the decision making process, if we neglect and disregard emotions, then we ignore a very important piece of ourselves. When we listen to our emotions, our choices end up being more authentic to who we are— even in cases when our emotions seem to defy logic. Every decision comes with an element of uncertainty and with every decision, we sacrifice something. Big decisions always come with some sacrifices and confronting those sacrifices may be terrifying. When we allow our hopes, as well as our fears, to have a voice in our decisions, we can move forward with our choice. And, even when we try to stick to logic, those feelings have a way of silently influencing our decisions. It is better to factor them in from the start. When we allow our emotions to have a voice, then, even years later, we can feel as though we made the right decision, not because we made it logically, but because we made it with consideration for all the information and emotions that had something to say about it.